Never Go Camping with the SAS
by Fearlee
Summary: K-unit goes camping, but Cub has to go with because MI6 thinks he needs to be protection. Little does everyone know what all can go wrong in a simple camping trip.


**Here's another one. The only thing I have to ask is for you readers to read my other two stories. You don't really need to, but I refer to them a few times in this story. Anyway, hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do no own Alex Rider.**

* * *

"Woo hoo!" Eagle shouted, "Camping trip!"

"Geez, announce it to the entire neighborhood why don't you?" Wolf growled. Eagle turned to the street and inhaled deeply; about to do just what his leader said. Snake quickly slapped a hand over the SAS soldier's mouth and muffled the bellow, "Figure of speech, smart one. Go be useful and help Fox find the tent."

Eagle bounded inside Fox's house as Wolf asked the unit medic, "How exactly did he get into the SAS in the first place?" Snake shrugged, "At least he's handy in the field. Do you have the map?"

Wolf nodded, "It's in my bag along with a box of matches. Directions and fire are the most important things that we'll need aside from food and water. Do you have the First Aid kit?" Snake nodded back, "In my bag, but hopefully we won't have to use it."

"I found the tent!" Cub shouted from a second story window.

"Where was it?" Came Fox's muffled shout from inside the house.

"Next to Eagle's brain!"

When the three came out, Eagle grumbled, "Why again is Cub coming with us?" Fox packed the tent into the back of the vehicle and replied, "Because he's on red alert, and nobody will ever guess that he's out camping with four SAS soldiers…plus, Mrs. Jones ordered us, so we don't really have a choice."  
"Great, I feel really wanted now." Cub muttered sarcastically. Wolf shut the back of the car and glared at everyone, "Do we have everything? I have the directions and the matches, and Snake has med kit. Eagle? Fox?"

"I brought the food and water." Eagle confirmed.

"And I have the tent and chairs." Fox finished.

Snake, Eagle, and Fox all looked at Cub expectantly.

The teen crossed his arms, "_Somebody_ decided not to trust me with anything. Why he didn't, I have no idea. I just have my clothes and my sleeping bag." He sent a glare towards the unit leader.

Wolf shrugged, "It's safer this way. Do you all have everything besides the stuff we assigned to each other? Once we leave this driveway, I won't turn around even if the back tires have just rolled off."

Silence greeted his words.

"I mean it. Do we seriously have everything?"

Everyone nodded vigorously.

"Then get in the car." Wolf growled.

After a brief argument about who was going to sit in the middle and a grumpy Cub, Wolf pulled out of Fox's driveway and onto the road. Barely five minutes had gone by when Eagle announced, "I have to pee."

* * *

"I'm squished; move over."

"Sorry, I don't have any room. Ask him."

"I'm not moving."

"I swear, if one of you doesn't move~"

"You'll do what? Look _cute_ and beg for us to move?"

"That's it!"

A few punches were landed and a few bruises formed before Wolf roared, "Both of you, KNOCK IT OFF!" Eagle and Cub instantly stopped fighting and settled for glaring at each other while making rude gestures with their hands. Fox studied a map as Snake rubbed his temples.

It was a four hour drive, and they had just passed the one hour mark. Wolf already had the steering wheel in a death grip, and Fox wondered if they would survive the car drive alone.

"I think we're supposed to turn left up here."

"No, we go straight."

"The map says~"

"I don't care what the map says! I know where I'm going!"

Five shouting matches and twenty minutes later, K-unit was heading in the right direction again. Wolf glared at the road as Fox sat smugly in the passenger's seat. He liked being right.

A few minutes of silence went by.

"I spy something…green." Eagle stated. Cub groaned, "We are _not_ playing this again. The only things we can pick are green for the trees or grass, brown for the tree trunks, black for the color of the road, and some random color of a car that we can all see."

"Nope," Eagle said gleefully, "You didn't pick it!" Everyone was instantly curious and began searching. What could this new object be?

"Is it that license plate?" Snake questioned.

"Nope."

"Is it the car to our left?"

"Nope!"

"Is it that wrapper on the road?"

"Guess again!"

Wolf slapped his hand against the steering wheel, "Alright, we give up. What is it?"

"It's that street sign we just passed! Cub never mentioned one of those."

Everyone groaned. Fox consulted the map and felt a rush of fear for his life, "I think we were supposed to turn onto that street."

"_SON OF A~"_

* * *

Two hours later, Fox, Snake, Eagle, and Cub were finally recovered from Wolf's fury. Said man was still gripping the steering wheel tightly, but he was now breathing normal and his face was calm.

Eagle felt brave enough to speak again, "Let's play Truth or~"

"I got a better idea." Snake interrupted, "Let's play the Quiet Game. Whoever speaks will lose. The game ends once we pull into the camp sight." The medic suggested this not for his own sanity, but for Wolf, who had begun to scowl in a very frightening manner.

Eagle thought for a few seconds before nodding and sitting back with a smile.

For what seemed like the very first time, Eagle was quiet for a whole hour. Wolf couldn't stop thanking God, Fox put away the aspirin he had been about to take, Snake let out a silent sigh of relief, and Cub finally managed to get the space he wanted because Eagle couldn't protest or else he would lose.

* * *

"Finally," Fox exclaimed, "We're here!" Eagle couldn't hold his silence any longer, "Let's go fishing! No, how about hiking? Or we could get lunch ready and set up the tent. Oh! What if we~"

"Eagle," Wolf said in a dangerous tone. Fox, Snake, and Cub all scrambled to get out. They weren't going to stick around for another explosion.

The cheery SAS soldier didn't move, "What is it?" Wolf slowly turned around in his seat, "I recommend you continue playing the Quiet Game, or else you will be eternally silent. Clear?" Eagle cocked his head to the side and thought for a few seconds. He finally decided that he actually valued his life, so he didn't say anything as he got out of the car and examined the surroundings.

Their camp sight was actually beautiful. In the middle, of course, was a fire pit with fresh wood already inside. About fifteen feet away, there was a nice flat spot for the tent. Around the small clearing, there was a great number of trees in full blown green.

"This is fantastic," Wolf said gratefully, "No one but us for miles around. Nothing but peace and quiet for a few days." Snake sent the leader a quizzical look, "For starters, no one will help us if we're attacked since we're miles away. Secondly, do you really think that you'll get peace and quiet with us? Well, I mean, I think three out of the four will be quiet."

Snake cast a quick glance at Eagle, who was rummaging around in the trunk of the car for the cooler of food. Wolf stretched out his muscles, "Eagle will be quiet for awhile…if he values his life." Fox overheard the comment and remarked, "I don't think Eagle values anything right now except for food."

As if to emphasize his point, Eagle pulled the cooler out of the trunk and opened it immediately. In a matter of seconds, he was chowing down on a sandwich. He couldn't have looked happier.

Fox rolled his eyes at the soldier and said, "Cub, help me with the tent. I don't know why I bought such a big one in the first place." After a few arguments of which rod was supposed to go where, the camouflage tent was standing upright and everybody's bags were inside.

Wolf had a small fire going in the pit, Eagle was hovering over him with a hot dog on a cooking fork, and Snake was setting up chairs around the fire.

"What's for lunch?" Cub asked as he rummaged around in the cooler.

"Hot dogs, sandwiches, cereal, even scrambled eggs since I brought a frying pan." Eagle replied promptly. Cub pulled out a package of hot dogs and began to roast one over the fire. The others followed the action, and were soon full and happy.

"So what are we going to do?" Snake asked, "It's 3:30, and we have four days to relax and have fun." Wolf mulled it over for a few minutes before answering, "After the car ride, I'm just going to sit here and keep the fire going. You guys can do whatever."

The only one who really wanted to do something was Eagle, but he was quickly outvoted. He sat in his chair; pouting slightly. In an attempt to cheer him up, Cub asked, "Eagle, what has been your favorite moment in the SAS?"

The reply was instant, "Watching Wolf run after you coated in feathers." The leader narrowed his eyes, "Oh yeah? Well, my favorite moment was when you tripped face first into the mud right at the sergeant's feet."

Everyone laughed at the memory, but Eagle sighed heavily, "I had to do so much kitchen duty for that." Snake leaned back in his chair, "My favorite was when we came out of that one week survival test in the woods without a single scratch. The sergeant gave us a whole day off because we did so well."

"What about the time when the obstacle course was destroyed in that really bad storm?" Fox added, "It took three days to fix, even with every unit helping. The sergeant didn't let us do anything else until it was finished."

Snake laughed and said, "I couldn't count how many fingers I had to put in casts because soldiers kept hitting their own fingers with hammers." He sent a pointed look at Eagle, who developed a sudden interest in scraping some dirt off his boots.

"What about you, Cub?" Wolf asked, "What's your favorite memory?"

Cub stretched out his legs and said in only a half-joking voice, "I was forced to train at Brecon Beacons, forced to wake up at an ungodly hour in the morning, forced to eat crappy food, and forced to live with you people. Where in that am I supposed to find a good memory?"

"You can't tell me you didn't enjoy giving Wolf that one dare." Snake pointed out. Cub grinned, "Okay, that was my one favorite memory: playing Truth or Dare."

The day turned into evening as K-unit talked about the ups and downs in life and training. After dinner, Fox yawned, "I'm going to turn in. Make sure you put all the food away so we don't get animals rifling through our stuff."

Eagle securely packed the food in the cooler. From the expression on his face, everyone thought he was expecting a food raid from animals any minute. Wolf chuckled at the soldier and went into the tent.

Fox, Snake, and Cub were already curled up in their sleeping bags. As Wolf settled down, he realized the tent didn't have a cover to go over the top. He mentioned this to Fox, who responded sleepily, "I didn't see an extra piece in the bag, so I guess the tent doesn't have one."

"Did anyone check what the weather is supposed to be?" Wolf asked with a growing sense of anticipation.

"I think there's a forty percent chance of rain tonight," Cub yawned, "And Then we're supposed to have clear skies for the rest of the week."

* * *

_BA-BOOM!_

Thunder crashed overhead; causing K-unit and Cub to jolt awake. Just as Wolf looked up at the sky, rain began to pour down and soak everything.

Everyone sprang into action.

They all grabbed their sleeping bags and duffel bags and sprinted over to the car. Wolf quickly popped the trunk and shouted for everyone to throw their stuff inside. Once that was done, they all lunged for the doors and threw themselves inside.

Rain slammed against the car with shocking force. Lightning streaked across the sky followed by another peal of thunder. Trees swayed violently from the wind.

Wolf turned around in the driver's seat to face Cub, who was soaking wet, "So," The leader growled, "A _forty percent _chance of rain?"

"It's not my fault that it's storming." The teen replied, "Besides, you never told anybody to look at the weather forecast. You're just lucky I happened to see it on TV as I was walking out the door."

Thunder crashed again.

Fox wiped as much water off himself as he could with his hands, "Well, we're certainly not going to be sleeping in the tent tonight. I guess we're stuck in here." Wolf and Fox were perfectly fine with that since they were sitting in the front seats, but Eagle and Cub began quarreling for space.

"I need more room."

"Well, it sucks to be you, because I'm not moving."

"Then it won't be my fault if _accidentally _elbow you while I'm sleeping!"

"Guys," Snake growled threateningly, "It's about two-thirty in the morning, and I'm not in the mood to hear people bicker. If either of you says another word to each other, someone is going to _die_."

Upon hearing such a threat out of the calmest in the unit, Eagle and Cub stopped fighting and dealt with the room they had. Wolf sighed heavily. This camping trip wasn't turning out very well.

* * *

Fox woke up to a scrabbling noise. The sun was beginning to lighten the skies, but it still wasn't visible yet. He looked around the car and saw that everyone was still asleep. Snake and Eagle had their heads resting against their windows. Cub had his feet up between the front seats and had his arms crossed across his chest. Wolf had reclined his seat and was sleeping in a very similar style to the youngest of the unit.

So where was the noise coming from?

Fox looked outside and saw that there were many branches that were broken off trees from the storm. The tent was still upright, but was probably filled with water.

Then the soldier's eyes fell on the cooler.

In their haste to get out of the rain, everyone forgot about the food. Fox saw a bushy gray and black tail sticking up out of the container.

"Hey!" Fox shouted as he pushed the car door open. This woke up the rest of K-unit, but the animal didn't stop rummaging.

"Is that a raccoon?" Snake asked as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "No, it's a cat," Fox snapped to his friend, "How are we going to get him out?"

Eagle picked up a long branch that was at least twelve feet long. He carefully approached the cooler and stabbed at the sides of it. This caught the raccoon's attention. It scrambled away and hissed at them.

"Get out!" Eagle shouted, "This is _our _food you little~" Even Wolf was surprised at the language that came out of the normally cheery soldier. The raccoon hissed at K-unit one last time before waddling away.

Eagle ran over to the cooler and scowled, "Great. It ate almost all of our food, and it ripped open everything else, so we basically don't have anything to eat." Wolf looked to the skies, and everybody knew he was asking mentally, _"Why me?"_

"On the bright side," Eagle said helpfully, "It can't possibly get any~" Fox, Snake, and cub all sprang at him to slap a hand over his mouth.

"Never," Cub hissed, "Say that, because something will always happen." Eagle pushed away the hands covering his mouth, "Come on, it's just a superstition. Nothing is going to happen."

This time, nobody got a hand over his mouth. Just as he finished speaking, an oak tree groaned and fell right on top of the tent; completely squashing it.

Everyone gaped at the sight. They couldn't believe what happened. How could a mere camping trip go so horribly wrong?

Snake was the first to speak, "All in favor of going home?" Everybody raised their hands, and Wolf stormed over to the car and turned it on. Fox decided to leave the tent, and Eagle threw the practically empty cooler in the trunk and jumped into the car before Wolf could drive away without him.

* * *

The car ride back was completely silent except for Fox telling quietly telling Wolf which way to turn. There were no arguments or laughter. Just complete and utter silence.

When Wolf pulled into Eagle's driveway to drop him off, the soldier asked in his cheerful voice, "So, same time next year?"

* * *

**Like I said in my last story: give me flames or praise, I don't care. I haven't really gone camping myself, so I'm sorry if the supplies that K-unit brought wasn't all what they needed. I'm not sure when I'll have another story ready. For the three stories that I've written so far, I've always had the next idea in the wings as soon as I finished one. So for now, I need to think of more ideas before I start writing again. Thanks for reading and please review!**


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